Here and Now

A coffee on the deck in the chilly morning, looking at the canyon.

I listen to the radio while I am working. A lot. Too much? They talk about the world, the wars, the soldiers who come back, the fallout, the crisis, the foreclosures, the banks (where is the money?), the border.

A few days ago, at night, we heard the coyotes in the canyon again.

The kids are difficult sometimes. Don't feel like to do anything about it. But I have to. Exhausting.

Thinking about what I will fix for dinner. Have to do the laundry. Have to help the kids to do their homework. Is there any paper to sign for school? Checking the calendar.

I have the strong feeling that I have all the time in the world.

Joy and nostalgia of being reconnected with old friends, from the time I was in high school in Senegal. I am receiving pictures. We were so young. I am always surprised when someone tells me something he/she remembers vividly. My memories are not so good.

I am working on new paintings. I struggle, looking for I don't know what exactly. Or looking for nothing. These days I spend hours layering colors and layering more. Exploring. Taking pictures, taking a lot of pictures, as usual. I am stressed by the upcoming show at Noel-Baza Fine Art. I should not.

I asked Kevin to come to the house to see the paintings before to see Tom and Larry, the owners of the gallery. There were paintings everywhere. He helped me to make some choices for the show. I guess I talked too much.

Tom and Larry came to my house to make the selection for "Contemporaries II". Finally, they said I could take any of the paintings for the show. They said they like the work a lot. Then they proposed to me to come to the gallery and to try combinations of paintings on the wall. Interesting. I had only a couple of hours. I had to go get the kids at school. And I had to stop at the house first on my way back to unload the car and to put the seats back. I was a few minutes late at school.

Lots of fields trips with the kids' classes these days. Yesterday we went to the Fleet Science Center, to see "Amazing Journeys", a movie about migrations. Grey whales and Monarchs, zebras and geese... We, humans, are stealing their space more and more. But they do it anyway. Unbelievable force of the DNA. Being at the IMAX is like diving into the screen. I was gone for a while.

The kids were talking though.

I lost my sunglasses.

Thinking about my family, I do not miss France much. Why?

I finished the proposal for the solo show at the San Diego Art Institute. Will they accept that I want to paint on the wall? I figure they need to see an image. May be they will accept the project. They did not ask for anything.

I also want to write a proposal for the show at Art Produce. I Cannot believe I will have a solo show there.

A long walk on Pacific Beach, looking at the people jogging on the beach. I love the silhouettes against the sun on the white sand. Took some pictures. Tried my new camera. Thought about Kyle. Wanted to see him. Thought about the new paintings I am working on. Is my work interesting in any way?

I read that a big trend in art these days is small and recycled (I don't like trends but it was an interesting article about what is going on in New York) . Well, I do large and not recycled at all! Should think more about that. Maybe.

Could not go to Becky Cohen's talk at Noel-Baza last Sunday. Kyle was attending a conference. Did not want to take the kids to the gallery. I took them to the tide pools in Point Loma instead. Jean and Julia came along and it was nice to spend some time with them. It was quiet, except that Milo was not listening to me.

Shimmering ocean. Looking carefully for animals trapped in the tide pools.
Hermit crabs everywhere.

Kyle reads books for us in the evening while I paint in the garage or in the kitchen. Listening to his voice. Drinking some wine.

I live here and I am American now. I Don't feel like it. I don't feel like being from anywhere. French when I was in France, Senegalese when I was living in Senegal. And now I don't know. Just being me. Hopefully.